A major case of the feels: why i'm cycling across america

Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
— George Bernard Shaw

I recently graduated from college and my mom desperately wants me to find a "real" job. But the truth is, I can't even begin to think about starting the next chapter of my life in becoming a professional somebody until I at least know that I've made a significant effort to improve in the ways that I feel short. I mean, A plus B equals C, am I right? Cycling across the country for me is an opportunity to work on those shortcomings. I want to spend the time getting acquainted with funky words and putting them into practice everyday -hence this blog. I want to spend the time reading and letting words and their meaning resonate within me. I want to work on getting less of those jarring red squigglies from underneath my writings- they're annoying. Words are some powerful things and I feel that I'm meant to use them to do the greatest of things, but at the moment and all throughout my college years I felt very limited in my ability to express my thoughts and I placed this blame on having not been more rigorous about incorporating reading into my life. I felt that I was compromising my ability to do well in school (and graduating on time) for the short term luxuries that came from working so much. Working is a necessary component of being able to survive in this world, but, I think that perhaps I invested too much into this logic. I had to pay the bills you know, but was working three jobs and going to school necessary? Was it really worth it?

So,  I thought to give up everything that I had because nothing else mattered to me more than the freedom and ease of being able to express yourself in a way that could truly move someone and inspire change. Basically, what I'm saying is that I just want to be able to drop the mic with my words all the time. I just want to be able to bless a crowd with having a 'aw-ha' moments all the time. I basically just want to be Oprah Winfrey all the damn time. Is that too much to ask? I initially thought to take to the open road to just focus on reading because I saw it as a punishment for not sacrificing enough of myself during my time in college to be the best student that I could be and a punishment for not realizing sooner in my life how necessary reading truly is. How do you even fix a lifetime? Is it possible? I should have struggled more financially so that I could do well in the long run and thought that perhaps by immersing myself into a world of literature and allowing myself to not work... would set me on the right track. This trip isn't about punishment anymore. I'm way over that. But, I do see it as a way to improve and an opportunity that will inevitably be that transformative experience that I'm in search of. I feel like I've reached a threshold in life and there's no way of advancing until I've challenged myself to be better in this way. So, this explains everything and that's about all I have to say about that. Did the mic drop?