I am not afraid. My fears reside elsewhere.
I wouldn't exactly describe myself as the life of the party and I'm absolutely ok with that. But that's not to say that I'm not a tad bit jealous of those who do bring that energy to the forefront and are able to preach it to the choir in any moment- can I get an amen? There are always those select few that have a certain sort of swagger to the way they speak and it's with this quality that they are able to captivate any-ones attention. We all know the type and whether its realized or not, these are the influencers of the world. They have this incredible gift to communicate, but it's not only that. They have the ability to be heard.
My initial impressions of this tour is not of fear. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not afraid of the physical strain. I'm not afraid to look a little...rugged. I'm not afraid to suffer, nor am I afraid of the challenges that are bound to come with cycling solo as a female. Because for me, this tour was never about cycling in the first place. Cycling is just something that I happened to love and I figured that if I was going to take the time off- to technically be homeless for three months- I may as well go somewhere while I'm at it. It was never about the adventure- this is second to all reasoning that I had. First and foremost, it was about allowing myself to have the time to fully become attuned to who I am and what I want to become.
This tour is exactly that post-grad soul searching stint that is typical of someone my age, yet at the same time...it's so much more than that. I mean, I could be totally wrong about this, but I believe that when someone embarks on a soul-searching journey there is a desire for self-fulfillment that needs to be realized, but identifying what that need is exactly is unknown. For me, I couldn't understand more clearly what it is that I need to realize my soul and so with this also brings about my biggest fear of going on this tour- explaining to other people why I'm doing it.
We're all in this world together and the experiences that each of us has gone through in our individual lives are unique and holds tremendous value. It is our duty as a collective of humanity to share those experiences and to learn from them and grow from them. So, in the moment that I'm asked why I'm doing this tour is also the moment where my eyes will grow wide and sweat pebbles will spill from my pores, because I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to fully articulate the why.